Closure?
I was walking to the subway, hot tears running down my cheeks, replaying the last 40 minutes in my head. I could feel every person walking by me staring but when you’re in the moment of unbelievable heartbreak you just don’t care. I walked into the subway station and sat on a bench. Usually, I would sit and wonder where the funny smell was coming from (hey, it’s New York City) or why they don’t install air conditioners in subway stations for the summer. But in that very moment I was replaying the entire scene over in my head, like a broken record.
I was standing outside a bar on the upper west side. It was one of those bars where all the kids in college go to and buy cheap beer. There were also those who just left college and were still drinking like college kids. I was part of the latter. I think the 6 beers I had drank for 50 cents each gave me some liquid courage because there I was, pouring my heart out in the name of closure.
“You broke my heart.” I told him. He just stared at me and very evenly told me “No, I didn’t. Stop saying that.” Then I continued to list all the reasons why he did. He didn’t seem to care. Then I listed, through tears and sobs, the reasons why he should. Everything from “do you know all the things you’ve put me through” to “I can’t believe I bought you breakfast! (I can’t cook now, I couldn’t cook then. Don’t judge me). Finally, he said “Listen, you’re ride or die. I told you that. Thanks for breakfast.” and walked back in the bar to charm some other girl. I turned and headed towards the train station. When did I become that girl?
That was the event that made me realize there is no such thing as closure. There is getting through heartbreak, there is moving forward, but there is no “we need to talk so I can get some closure on why this is ending.” One person always wants to know why something is ending, or say how the other one is making them feel like their heart is being put through a meat grinder and the other person? They are over it. They may wish you the best but nothing is going to make them care about you in the way you want them to.
That’s what I told my girlfriends over frozen drinks a few weeks ago. They felt differently. “It’s not about convincing them to love you back.” For them, it’s about letting the other person know how they feel. It makes them feel better to know that nothing was kept inside and that the other person knows that.
I would argue, what’s the point? Closure is knowing that it’s over. It’s not changing the other persons mind and it prevents you from doing things like getting drunk and pouring your heart out through tears outside a bar. From having “oops! I told you how I felt and now suddenly we are naked in your bed and I regret it” sex. Or any other variation of those things.
What do you think? Is there such a thing as getting closure? Is it just an abstract concept or is there actually something to it?
I think closure is the thing that HELPS you move on. Not necessarily talking it out or something you get in words. Often times, I believe, we get it in actions.. Having someone hang up on you when you are crying, yelling at you when you are broken, or simply moving on with someone else and forgetting about what you shared. Closure is being able to look back and say – they were right, it is better this way – they weren’ t the one for me. At the end of the day, no one should want to be with someone who doesn’t want them. I used to think I wasn’t ever going to have closure but then the days turned into weeks that turned into months and I definitely got my closure…by his actions
i agree 100%. That’s exactly what I meant by this post. Closure is what you make of it. if it’s not working. or you’re not being treated right. There’s no need to have a huge discussion or trying to convince someone of all the reasons why you’re great. Or why they hurt your feelings. It’s all about getting THROUGH it, in a healthy way that makes you feel good.
I believe closure can be obtained on your own without the need of pouring your heart out to the other person. Most likely the person already had a conversation with themselves without consulting you and came up with the conclusion of breaking up with you. There is then no need to include this person in your decisions and thoughts from that day forward. Closure is a conversation you have with YOURSELF in which you Remind yourself of your “self-worth” and determine the 5 Ws and 1 H of why that relationship was never good to begin with. Like my mother says, “Mas pa’ lante viven gente y de mejores familias” lmao. I say you cry a little, you may curse him out, let it all out but forget the “closure conversation”..it’s such a waste of time.
Amen sister! and for those that don’t know what “Mas pa’ lante viven gente y de mejores familias” the translation is ” there are other people out there and from better families” meaning.. there is always someone better. Love it.